One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
