Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Will you blow on my dice?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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