I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
