One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
