the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
