Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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