I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
