i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
