All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
