i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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