we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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