I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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