Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
