I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
