I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
