Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My balls are so social today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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