Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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