happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
