i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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