About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
