Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bet he comes in French.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
