Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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