I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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