you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
