i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
