Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
