i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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