What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
