1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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