I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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