You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
