she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
