Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i think i just lost a toe
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
