I want to walk on stilts...naked
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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