hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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