I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
