Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
