the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
