when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
