i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
