My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
