i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
