"it" just moved
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Less talking, more tequila
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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