Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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