woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
