Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
