break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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