forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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