also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
