how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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